Today’s Forgiveness Sunday in Orthodox Christianity. I went to All Saints in Alexandria and the priest there, Fr. Michael Koblosh, explained some really important things:

 In our Orthodox Church, Lent begins on Sunday evening with the Rite of Forgiveness – which also calls us to reflect on what is essential.  And what is essential is our love and relationship with each other.  The Lord’s commandment in today’s Gospel reading could not be more clear:  “If you do not forgive, then you will not be forgiven.”  But this forgiveness is far more than striving to forgive each other of the petty hurts and sins we may have inflicted on each other.  The Rite of Forgiveness reminds us that, when all is said and done, love – and love alone – is truth, life and freedom.  

The people I really should have been forgiving today on Forgiveness Sunday weren’t the congregation at All Saints. They haven’t sinned against me! I just met them! No, the people I should have been forgiving, and asking for forgiveness, were the source of this pain I’ve had for so long.

And I am starting to realize that this pain I am carrying around, this darkness, stems mainly from my hardness of heart. Yes, what the IVE and Servants did to me was bad. But they had been brainwashed too. At some point in their lives, they too had been abused as I was, and they were perpetrating it without their knowledge. They were innocent victims, like I was. They did not sin. They had good intentions: they wanted to serve the Lord.

I did not react well when I found out. I probably hurt many of the sisters, with whom I had become so close, by just abandoning them. That said, I am not allowed to speak to them, so I can’t directly forgive or be forgiven. But I can be indirect. Lord knows I’m good at that!

So. Here goes.

Dear Servants - Incarnate Word, Revelacion, Trinite, Immaculate, Theotokos, and the many whose names I’ll never forget -

I forgive you. I forgive you because you knew not what you did. I forgive you for psychologically and emotionally abusing me. Honestly, I do. I understand now that you are victims of it, too. I understand that God works grace through everything. I understand that you just want to serve Him with whom you fell so desperately in love. I understand that you have not understood Him, and neither have I. I forgive you for taking away three years of my life. I forgive you because I know - I do not understand this mystery, but I know it - that God works grace through my suffering, and your suffering, and everyone’s suffering. I forgive you because it is this cross through which my salvation will come. I forgive you because God loves you. I forgive you because He died for you. I forgive you because I love you, my sisters in Christ. I forgive you because God forgives. I hope I forgive as well as He forgives.

And I ask for your forgiveness. I know you won’t read this, and nobody will - certainly nobody who really knows what passed between us - but God will read it. And God, I hope You will tell them these things. God, please tell them I am sorry for hating them. I am sorry for having such horrible sentiments toward these spouses of Yours. I hope they can forgive me as You have forgiven me. Let this be my prayer for them: that they may be worthy of the promises of Christ. God, let it be so.

I am going to try so, so hard to love everybody the way He loves us. And I’m starting with you.

You taught me how to end a letter:

In Jesus & Mary, Catherine Lucia